Q. Hey Mark, guess who’s coming to dinner? Venice Glen is in town with family and we are going to get together and head up to the Slot Canyon area around Page on Monday. I’ll be sure and tell him you haven’t changed. He’ll get a kick out of that. - Badger
A. Of course I haven’t changed. When you are damn near perfect, there’s no reason to. Be sure and tell him congratulations to his Giants for winning the World Series two more times and playing baseball the Dodger Way. [I threw up in my mouth while writing that]
Q. Hey Mark, can you lay off my boy, Don Mattingly. He is doing just fine. – Joe Torre
A. Sure Joe, I’ll lay off him as soon as he is fired just like I laid off you when you retired.
Q. Hey Mark, can you show some love for a fellow Hoosier? – Don Mattingly
A. In three words: NO, NO NO! Oh, and walk the plank!
Q. Hey Mark, can I get some chicken and beer in the clubhouse tonight? I really need it. – Josh Beckett
A. Josh, the beer is fine but chicken leaves a fowl taste in your mouth. Lay off that stuff. Keep the beer in your locker… maybe the dugout. It can’t hurt!
Q. Hey Mark, are the Dodgers ever going to sign me to a long-term deal? - Clayton Kershaw
A. Are you sick or something?
Q. Hey Mark, when I come off my suspension and face the Dodgers the next time, what should I wear? – Carlos Quentin
A. How about a baseball in your ear?
Q. Hey Mark, did you know that I am really fast? – Yasil Puig
A. Are you trying to tell me that Puigs’ can fly?
Q. When will the Dodgers call me back to the big club? – Dee Gordon
A. Can you play defense yet and we will need a written excuse from your parents?
Q. Who will be the next Dodger Manager? – Tim Wallach
A. Magic Johnson
UPDATE: It gets worse!
DODGERS RECALL FIFE, PLACE BILLINGSLEY ON 15-DAY DISABLED LIST
LOS ANGELES – The Los Angeles Dodgers today recalled right-handed pitcher Stephen Fife from Triple-A Albuquerque and placed right-handed pitcher Chad Billingsley on the 15-day disabled list with right elbow pain retroactive to April 16. Fife will start today’s game in Baltimore. In 2012, Fife made five starts with the Dodgers, going 0-2 with a 2.70 ERA (8 ER/26.2 IP) and a .255 opponents’ batting average. In three starts with the Isotopes this season, the 26-year-old is 1-1 with a 4.61 ERA (7 ER/13.2 IP) and 14 strikeouts.
Billingsley is 1-0 with a 3.00 ERA (4 ER/12.0 IP) in two starts this season.