Posted on 08 January 2009
I said I would not mention “you-know-who” again so all I can say is that the door of opportunity is closing and Ned will probably move another direction, very soon.
The fact is Scott Borasss is a liar and someone I would not deal with very long. I think Ned’s patience is growing thin. Dunn is our ‘fallback” position and we risk losing him if we don’t act shortly.
The fact is that we can sign Sheets and Dunn for about the same as “you-know-who.” Borass is just trying to create a market by lying like he did to Tom Hicks of the Rangers, when he made them think some other team was courting A-Rod, and so Hicks bid $100 million more than the next highest offer. Borass is a criminal!
Give Borasss a deadline and then sign Dunn and Sheets. Forget the old middle relievers that you are alleged to be interested in Ned, and sign the O-Dog too. I am sick of this.
Dodger News:
- Trevor Hoffman is ready to sign with the Brewers (thank God). I hope he works out as good as that last Dodger reliever they signed last year.
- Bill Plaschke of the LA Times. com on a player I won’t mention (he is RIGHT ON).
- The Dodgers have allegedly offered Mota a contract and continue pursuing Reyes and Cruz.
Scott Borass is a lawyer. Lawyers lie. If all the lawyers in the U.S. were laid end to end, it would be a good thing.
Nobody likes Scott Borass. Nobody except the stable of rich players he represents.
They are still talking. I think what they are talking about now is a third year. If he doesn’t get it, Manny signs here and hopefully, I mean let’s all say a prayer about it, Manny will come in happy. He is a tempermental bitch, and if by not giving him that third year he comes in pissed, will there be blood?
All I am saying here is it just might be worth it to offer that third year. If by then he is falling down in the outfield maybe we can move him to an A.L. team that needs a DH. I don’t think there is anyone anywhere that doesn’t believe Manny will still be hitting the crap out of the ball when he is 39. If Borass still demands a fourth year, then let him hang in the breeze and go to plan B. We will still have a decent team with Plan B. Not a Championship team, but a decent, still draw 3 million and compete for a Division Title team.
The devil visited a lawyer’s office and made him an offer. “I can arrange some things for you, ” the devil said. “I’ll increase your income five-fold. Your partners will love you; your clients will respect you; you’ll have four months of vacation each year and live to be a hundred. All I require in return is that your wife’s soul, your children’s souls, and their children’s souls rot in hell for eternity.”
The lawyer thought for a moment. “What’s the catch?” he asked.
Two prisoners are talking about their crimes:
George: “I robbed a bank, and they gave me 20 years”
Herman: “Hmm. I killed a man, and I’m here for 3 days”
George: “*WHAT*??? I rob a bank and get 20 years; you kill a man and get 3 days???”
Herman: “Yeah, it was a lawyer.”
I know I shouldn’t think this way…. BUT….
Imagine the Dodgers do move on. Who gets Manny then? I can just see Manny going to San Fran or Anaheim of the OC for less than the 4 yrs and $100 million Boras is demanding now. The media and half of the knuckle head Dodger fans (you know who you are) will start the same old song, “McCourt is too cheap”.
Face it Manny has to play somewhere. But it has to be under responsible terms.
Dude why are we still talking about this? I am with Mark on this one. I think we have beat this horse to death. What else can be said? I am done with it too….at least until tomorrow
A lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. To his dismay, there were thousands of people ahead of him in line to see St. Peter. But, to his surprise, St. Peter left his desk at the gate and came down the long line to where the lawyer was standing. St. Peter greeted him warmly. Then St. Peter and one of his assistants took the lawyer by the hands and guided him up to the front of the line into a comfortable chair by his desk.
The lawyer said, “I don’t mind all this attention, but what makes me so special?”
St. Peter replied, “Well, I’ve added up all the hours for which you billed your clients, and by my calculation you must be about 193 years old!”
Q: How can you tell if a lawyer is well hung?
A: You can’t get a finger between the rope and his neck!
Q: If you are stranded on a desert island with Adolph Hitler, Atilla the Hun, and a lawyer, and you have a gun with only two bullets, what do you do?
A: Shoot the lawyer twice.
Q: What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
A: A good start!
Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
A: His lips are moving.
Q: What’s the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?
A: There are skid marks in front of the dog.
Q: Why won’t sharks attack lawyers?
A: Professional courtesy.
Q: What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?
A: Not enough sand.
Q: Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?
A: To practice.
Q: Why is going to a meeting of the Bar Association like going into a bait shop?
A: Because of the abundance of suckers, leeches, maggots and nightcrawlers
Q: Why are there so many lawyers in the U.S.?
A: Because St. Patrick chased the snakes out of Ireland.
Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?
A: The lawyer charges more.
Make me stop…
You left out a few:
The lawyer is cross-examining the doctor about whether he checked the pulse of the deceased before he signed the death certificate.
“No” he said. “I did not check the pulse.”
“And did you listen for a heartbeat?” asked the lawyer.
“No, I did not” said the doctor.
“So” said the lawyer, “when you signed the death certificate, you had not taken steps to make sure he was dead.”
And the doctor said, “Well let me put it this way – the man’s brain was in a jar on my desk, but for all I know he could be out practicing law somewhere.”
also:
A lawyer sent a note to his client:
“Dear Jim: Thought I saw you on the street the other day. Crossed over to say hello, but it wasn’t you, so I went back. One-tenth of an hour $35.”
and:
How many lawyers does it take to roof a house?
Depends on how thin you slice them.
What happens when a lawyer takes Viagra?
He gets taller!
Hi,
I like your blog. As far as Manny, do you think the Dodgers will really admit what impact they know Manny will have economically if they sign him? Especially while they are trying to hardline him and Boras on a contract? No way they would.
Economically a Dodger team with Manny will have a higher revenue stream by 15 – 20 mil. or more in a whole season. The Dodger’s and Boras know this. The Dodger’s will put any spin on it they can to try fool Boras, they’re fighting fire with fire now and playing the same game he has for years cause Manny’s “bad rap”, age and the economic situation favor the Dodger’s. But the Dodger’s always meet season ticket levels, even w/ the economy, they’ll set record season ticket levels once they sign Manny. Signing Manny is the smart economic move in this economy, he is a huge draw. Beware, the Yankees snake lurks in the grass to see where this saga lands, you can bet on that, unfortunately.
The following lawyer joke mentioned by Badger, above, is a true story taken verbatim from a reporter’s transcript during a real trial:
The lawyer is cross-examining the doctor about whether he checked the pulse of the deceased before he signed the death certificate.
“No” he said. “I did not check the pulse.”
“And did you listen for a heartbeat?” asked the lawyer.
“No, I did not” said the doctor.
“So” said the lawyer, “when you signed the death certificate, you had not taken steps to make sure he was dead.”
And the doctor said, “Well let me put it this way – the man’s brain was in a jar on my desk, but for all I know he could be out practicing law somewhere.”
A trial lawyer, a rabbi and a Hindu businessman are out in the forest hunting deer. They become hopelessly lost and finally seek shelter for the night at a farmhouse. The farmer says they can stay with him if it’s only for one night. But he only has room for two of them in the house. One will have to sleep out in the barn in a sleeping bag.
The Hindu businessman volunteers to sleep in the barn and heads outside. 15 minutes later there is some shouting and knocking on the door and their stands the Indian who says: “I’m sorry, but I can’t sleep in the barn–there are cattle inside.”
So the rabbi volunteers and sets off for the barn but 15 minutes later he returns to the house shouting and knocking on the door. The farmer asks what’s wrong and the rabbi mumbles something about not being able to sleep in the barn with the pigs because he’s not reformed and to do so wouldn’t be kosher.
At this point all three look at the trial lawyer who had been sleeping in the nearby pillow bed until the rabbi returned. After a minute or two and the grumbling of many obscenities, the trial lawyer got up, threw on his clothes and said: “All right you goddam pussies, I’ll go sleep in the friggen’ barn.” And he stomped off.
Less than 5 minutes later there was a huge commotion which sounded like all the animals were being slaughtered simultaneously in a slow and painful way–and a pounding at the door so vigorous and loud that the farmer feared the hinges would break.
He ran to the door, opened it–and there stood all the animals.
A lawyer, a rabbi and a priest were all fishing together in a boat a couple of miles off shore when they ran out of fuel for the boat. Looking out over the 2 mile swim they could all see the area was infested with man eating sharks. Since the lawyer had illegally chummed the water in the area with bloody small fish, the sharks were in a frenzy ands looking for blood.
Both the Rabbi and the Priest begged off on attempting to swim the 2 miles to shore claiming to be weak swimmers and commenced to blubber and call out on their God to save them.
The trial looked at them both with contempt, called them both pansies and scared little sissies. He then stripped down to hisunderwear and dove into the cold waters and started swimming towards shore.
To the suprise of the two men remaining in the boat, the sharks did not devour the lawyer. In fact they made no move to molest him in any way and instead formed a channel showing him exactly the shortest and easiest way to make it to shore.
Later, after the coast guard rescued the two in the boat they asked the lawyer who was puffing on a big cuban cigar and drinking Jack Daniels directly from the fifth why the sharks had acted the way they had.
Said the lawyer, “Aww. It was nothin’. Just a little professional courtesy.”
AAAron,
Your question about Manny snuck in while I was writing one of the jokes about my despised kin above. Most of us have talked here until we’re all “blue” in the face about how much we should sign Manny for–and for how long. If you go through the last dozen threads you’ll know what we all think and we don’t all agree. I agree with those who feel that Manny at 26 million per will pay for himself over 3 years with a vesting option for a 4th year. No one is offering that and we thus risk the chance of pissing him off if he has to sign for something less than he thinks he deserves.
I don’t think anyone has ever accused Manny of being a rocket scientist.
So do we leverage him into a contract which will make him “angryman”, or bid against ourselves to make him happy but pay him over market? Or do we continue to maintain a Mexican standoff, do nothing, and watch the Yankers sign him while we’re not talkin’?
Them’s the choices. Take yer pick and take yer chances. I still think Jeb’s a freakin idiot for not putting some kind of an offer in front of Manny as we close in on spring traing with no left fielder.
Q. What’s the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer?
A. A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge.
Q. How does an attorney sleep?
A. First he lies on one side, and then on the other.
A Lawyer will do anything to win a case, sometimes he will even tell the truth.
A lawyer is a gentleman who rescues your estate from your enemies and keeps it for himself.
A housewife, an accountant and a lawyer were asked “How much is 2+2?”
The housewife replies: “Four!”.
The accountant says: “I think it’s either 3 or 4. Let me run those figures through my spreadsheet one more time.”
The lawyer pulls the drapes, dims the lights and asks in a hushed voice, “How much do you want it to be?”
A Dublin lawyer died in poverty and many barristers of the city sub- scribed to a fund for his funeral. The Lord Chief Justice of Orbury was asked to donate a shilling. “Only a shilling?” said the Justice, “Only a shilling to bury an attorney? Here’s a guinea; go and bury 20 more of them.”
“You seem to have more than the average share of intelligence for a man of your background,” sneered the lawyer at a witness on the stand.
“If I wasn’t under oath, I’d return the compliment,” replied the witness.
A woman and her little girl were visitng the grave of the little girl’s grandmother. On their way through the cemetary back to the car, the little girl asked, “Mommy, do they ever bury two people in the same grave?”
“Of course not, dear.” replied the mother, “Why would you think that?”
“The tombstone back there said ‘Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.’”
For three years, the young attorney had been taking his brief vacations at this country inn. The last time he’d finally managed an affair with the innkeeper’s daughter. Looking forward to an exciting few days, he dragged his suitcase up the stairs of the inn, then stopped short. There sat his lover with an infant on her lap!
“Helen, why didn’t you write when you learned you were pregnant?” he cried. “I would have rushed up here, we could have gotten married, and the baby would have my name!”
“Well,” she said, “when my folks found out about my condition, we sat up all night talkin’ and talkin’ and decided it would be better to have a bastard in the family than a lawyer.”
Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest lawyer and an old drunk are walking down the street together when they simultaneously spot a hundred dollar bill. Who gets it? The old drunk, of course, the other three are mythological creatures.
A man walked into a bar with his alligator and asked the bartender, “Do you serve lawyers here?”.
“Sure do,” replied the bartender.
“Good,” said the man. “Give me a beer, and I’ll have a lawyer for my ‘gator.”
Aaron,
Don’t listen to Lawdog, he’s a lawyer!
Aaaaaarrron,
I think people are not understanding what is going on. Borasss wants a 4 or 5 year deal at $25 mil a year for Manny and the Dodgers simply won’t do that. Ned said that he wouldn’t. Borasss is insisting on that length, so it does no good to put an offer on the table. Ned did it once. Borasss ingnored it. Ned is not going to budge, so until Borassss does, there is no need for an offer.
A-ron is right on. Thanks and welcome aboard.